Intensive Carrot Unit/Dialogue

This is the transcribed dialogue from the Intensive Carrot Unit quest.

Step 1 : Astral Charm

Astral Charm: Okay, listen. I ran a few tests, and it's probably safe, but I did have a few complications with the formula that didn't present themselves until after the field test, so I need you to go talk to Spud for me and make sure the specimens stay isolated.

[Response: Specimens? Symptoms?]

<same as below [Response: Hold on. What's this about?]>

[Response: Hold on. What's this about?]

Astral Charm: I just ran a little test on some of his carrots, okay? And it worked like a charm, I'll have you know. He'll have no trouble identifying the ones I used, because they grew to about the size of watermelons. It was a complete success. He just, well, shouldn't eat them or sell them or anything. There was this one little side-effect that he couldn't have known about. That's all.

[Response: You didn't tell him you were going to do this in advance?]

Astral Charm: Well, not exactly, but that's only because he wouldn't let me back onto his property after that last giant robot incident. I don't really have a lot of options for this kind of thing. It's not like I can just grow my own carrots whenever I need to.

[Response: That's terrible! You should be put in a dungeon!]

Astral Charm: Can we worry about this later? I'm trying to help him! And somepony's health might be at stake!

[Response: What about the side-effect you mentioned?]

<same as below [Response: What side-effect would that be?]>

[Response: What side-effect would that be?]

Astral Charm: I mean, again, it's probably nothing to worry about, but if anyone has tried eating the carrots, just make sure they get tested for lymphatic fillyriasis as soon as they can. Although the chances of that happening just from eating my artificially enhanced produce is very slim.

[Response: How slim?]

Astral Charm: Well, I'd say somewhere around... maybe fifteen percent?

[Response: FIFTEEN PERCENT?!]

Astral Charm: Just go.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: That doesn't sound so bad. You could probably get away with not telling him.]

Astral Charm: You'd be amazed at how many hoops you have to jump through to have an experiment considered "ethical." It seems like half of the scientific community exists solely to make sure they can shun or imprison themselves and everyone around them at any opportunity. Also, somepony could get pretty sick. You had really better get going.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, I'm on it.]

<same as below [Response: I'm on it!]>

[Response: I'm on it!]

Astral Charm: Okay, thanks. And I can reimburse whomever I need to after all this is taken care of.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: You should tell him yourself. I'm not helping.]

Astral Charm: I can't just tell him myself because I'm not allowed on the property, genius. If you're not going to help me, I'll just find somepony who will.

<end dialogue, alternate quest accept script enabled>

[Response: I can't help. I'm in a hurry.]

Astral Charm: Hmph.

<end dialogue, start over from beginning>

{alternate quest accept script}

Astral Charm: I have nothing to say to you.

[Response: I decided I'd talk to Spud for you after all.]

Astral Charm: So do it.

[Response: Yes, ma'am.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Well, fine, then!]

Astral Charm: Fine!

[Response: FINE! I'M GOING!]

Astral Charm: WELL, GOOD!

[Response: ...yeah. That's right.]

Astral Charm: Hmph.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Right then. Goodbye.]

<end dialogue>

{quest accepted script}

Astral Charm: You're supposed to be talking to Spud, not me. I already know.

Step 2 : Spudnickus Von Winklehammer, Esq.

Spud: Hey there, <player character>. I was just finishing up here. What can I do for ya?

[Response: Actually, I'm here on behalf of Astral.]

Spud: Then I ain't innarested. She ain't allowed on these premises after that last giant robot-related rumpus. You just tell her I said "no."

[Response: Well, actually, she already did it. And now I'm supposed to tell you to not sell or eat any giant carrots that grow out here.]

Spud: WHAT? Let me just tell you right now that I do NOT respond kindly to that sort of humor.

[Response: Come on, Spuddyboy! It's me, your old pal, <player character>, remember? It's cool. Everything's cool. Please don't hurt me.]

<same as below [Response: As much as I wish I were kidding, somepony's health might be at stake.]>

[Response: As much as I wish I were kidding, somepony's health might be at stake.]

Spud: I sold half of them to Flan this afternoon, and I've got a buyer on the way here right now to look at the rest! You can tell your little friend that if I ever see her around here, she's gonna be studyin' samples of my soil real close-like, you hear? Now you go and talk to Flan right now at the Paso Fino, while I try and figger out a way to maintain any sort of reputation as a businessman with all'a these nosy ponies what ain't worked a day in their lives tryina' come in here and take what doesn't belong to them all day long.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Watchu gonna do about it?]

Spud: You'd better go talk to Flan. And never come back.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Sure thing. On a completely unrelated subject, did you happen to grow any giant carrots around here lately?]

<same as below [Response: Did you happen to grow any giant carrots around here lately?]>

[Response: Did you happen to grow any giant carrots around here lately?]

Spud: So you've heard! Yep, the way them babies came up, you'da' thought for sure I must've used some kind of magic on 'em. Goes to show that hard work and sweat is always going to pay off in the end, don't it? I've seen 'em big at the fairs and such before, but I never thought it'd happen to mine!

[Response: Actually, I don't think you should eat those.]

Spud: I don't plan to eat 'em. I'm gonna sell 'em. I might keep one, but I've already sold half of the harvest to Flan, and I've got another buyer on his way over right now to take the rest off my hooves.

[Response: You can't let anypony eat those! They might all get sick!]

Spud: Do you know something I don't?

[Response: Astral was running some kind of experiment to make your carrots bigger. She says a side-effect has popped up, and it could make ponies really sick.]

Spud: Go to the Paso Fino Cafe in Cantermore, and tell Flan not to use the carrots I gave her. Right now. If you really want to do me a favor, take Astral with you and lock her in the freezer when nopony's looking. Maybe that'd buy me enough time to undo the damage without something else goin' wrong. Don't you come back here.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: No, I just think you shouldn't trust any vegetables that unusually large. Somepony probably magicked all over them or something.]

Spud: You might have a point. I should probably try one myself before I go giving them out. Make sure nothin' funny happens.

[Response: I don't think that's a good idea. You should get rid of them because... they might come alive and start attacking ponies!]

Spud: Don't lie to me.

[Response: ... Astral did it. She was just trying to help.]

<same as below [Response: Actually, wait. Astral was running experiments on these carrots. They might not be safe to eat.]>

[Response: Actually, wait. Astral was running experiments on these carrots. They might not be safe to eat.]

Spud: Next time, just tell me without tryin' to cover her up. I don't like having my intelligence insulted. Now, you run on down to the Paso Fino in Cantermore right now and tell Flan what ya' told me, and I'll take care of the ones I got left. But I don't ever want to see Astral step hoof on this farm again, and I intend to enforce that if necessary. While y'all are out there playing yer little games, I'm over here tryin' to make a living, and now I've got to explain to my other buyer that he's wastin' a trip down here on account o' some mad scientist hogwash that he prolly ain't even gonna believe, and there ain't a thing in the world that I can do 'bout that except keep workin' harder to make up for it, even though I'm the one who's been doin' what I'm supposed to be doin' this whole time. You'd better be movin' along.

<end dialogue, next step available>

{reminder script}

Spud: Flan is at the Paso Fino Cafe in Cantermore. That's where you're goin'.

Astral Charm (optional)

Astral Charm: So, did you tell him?

[Response: Yes. He was pretty angry. He might have threatened you a little.]

Astral Charm: I can't say that surprises me. Well, thanks for your help, at least. I suppose your work here is done. ...And now I've got to think of another way to make it up to him too. A scientist's work is just never done.

[Response: Okay. Later.]

<end dialogue>

[Response: Don't I get a reward?]

[Response: Is there anything I can do to help?]

[Response: Maybe you should just leave him alone.]

Astral Charm: ...No.

<end dialogue>

[Response: I told him.]

Astral Charm: How'd he take it?

[Response: Not particularly well.]

<same as above [Response: Yes. He was pretty angry. He might have threatened you a little.]>

Step 3 : Flan

Flan: Oh, hello, <player character>! It's just lovely out here today. How are you enjoying the city?

[Response: It's beautiful.]

Flan: The view of the castle from here is just wonderful. I'm lucky Wanda was able to snatch up this plot of land before the cost went up. So, what brings you out here?

[Response: I was just in the area, and I thought I'd warn you of your impending doom.]

Flan: What do you mean?

[Response: Astral was experimenting with the carrots you bought from Spud, and they might not be safe to eat.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Have you heard the good news?]

Flan: I don't think so, but I love good news. What is it?

[Response: Actually, it's bad news.]

Flan: Oh... um, okay... well, go ahead, then.

[Response: Astral was experimenting with the carrots you bought from Spud, and they might not be safe to eat.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Astral was experimenting with the carrots you bought from Spud, and they might not be safe to eat.]

Flan: That doesn't sound like good news at all... but you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Astral was experimenting with the carrots you bought from Spud, and they might not be safe to eat.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Meh.]

Flan: Hmhm. Well, the city life isn't for everypony, I suppose. But how have you been?

[Response: Things have been going well.]

Flan: Glad to hear it. Things have been pretty good on my side, too. I've gotten a fresh batch of these huge carrots from Spud's farm that I'm going to use to make carrot cakes. You have to see them to believe them! They're about the size of your head!

[Response: Actually, that's what I'm here to talk to you about. You can't sell those. They could be dangerous. Astral was messing with them, and that's why they got so big.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Not so great, I'm afraid...]

Flan: Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. What's the matter?

[Response: Well, I'm trying to warn everypony that Astral was experimenting on Spud's carrots to make them as big as they got, but there's a certain side-effect that makes them too dangerous to let anypony eat them.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Actually, I'm here to tell you that Astral was experimenting with the carrots you bought from Spud, and they might not be safe to eat.]

Flan: Oh.. I see. Well, in that case, you'd better let Wanda know right away! She wanted to try one before she headed off to Carousel Boutique to talk to Vogue. She should probably still be there now. She's the only one who's eaten anything so far, thank goodness!

[Response: What about you?]

Flan: Well, I've got to get rid of that batch and buy some more carrots. Preferably before any customers show up. But thanks for letting me know, anyway.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Okay, Flan. Thanks for understanding.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: There's no time for that! Did you eat or sell any of the giant carrots you got from Spud?]

Flan: Oh my. Well, um, no, not yet. I was just about to make some carrot cakes, but I haven't used them yet at all. Wanda tried one, but other than that, nopony's eaten any.

[Response: Then I must warn Wanda! Don't let anypony eat those carrots!]

Flan: Um, okay. Well... bye, then.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Where can I find her?]

Flan: She's probably still over at Carousel Boutique in Ponydale. She went to talk to Vogue. Um, are the carrots... bad or something?

[Response: Yes. Don't eat them.]

Flan: Um, okay. Well... bye, then.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: They might make you sick if you eat any. You can't sell them.]

Flan: Um, okay. Well... bye, then.

<end dialogue, next step available>

{reminder script}

Flan: I really think you should hurry down to Carousel Boutique. Wanda's health could be at stake. Apparently.

{reminder script}

Astral Charm: You've got things to be doing, so do them!

Step 4 : Wanda Percent

Wanda Percent: And it's also a part of this balanced breakfast!

Vogue Sharp: Ha! So, what did you tell them?

Wanda Percent: Ah, that'll have to wait a bit. It looks like our guest has something important to say.

Vogue Sharp: Guest? Oh, g'day. I didn't see you for a second there. Wow, I really shouldn't let my guard down so easily. If you were a monster, I'd have been eaten alive.

Wanda Percent: So, what do you need that's got you in such a sweat, kiddo?

[Response: Astral was experimenting on Spud's carrots to try and make them grow bigger, and it worked, but then he sold a batch to Flan and you ate one, and now Astral says you should go to a hospital because you might be sick.]

Wanda Percent: Issat so? Well, I did have a little piece of one of those things, but it probably wouldn't be enough to do anything...

Vogue Sharp: Come on, Wanda. You know how hard it is to find you with any free time at all these days. I'm sure you'll be fine. And anyway, I don't trust just anypony with this sort of job, you know.

Wanda Percent: I know, I know. But if it's important, I mean, I can't afford to get sick either. I've got a lot of work on my hooves. Do I have to get checked, like, right away?

[Response: I don't really know.]

<same as below [Response: You probably should.]>

[Response: You probably should.]

Wanda Percent: Alright, well what's this thing called, anyway?

[Response: Lymphatic fillyriasis.]

Wanda Percent: Well, I've never heard of that, but I'd bet good money Mercury has. I guess I'll head out.

Vogue Sharp: Come on, Wanda. I'm sure it can wait a few hours, can't it?

Wanda Percent: Er... well... Hey, <player character>... Is there any chance you can go down to the hospital and talk to Mercury for me? I did promise to help Vogue with his finances today, and it's not often I can make my way up here anymore.

Vogue Sharp: It's right down the road. Shouldn't take you more than a minute.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: It was something like... lymphomatic filly-raisins!]

Vogue Sharp: This is getting ridiculous.

Wanda Percent: Well, what am I supposed to tell the hospital I'm testing for if you don't even know the name of it?

Vogue Sharp: You don't need to. Here. I'm a unicorn. Let me just use my magical powers over tainted carrots to cleanse you of this disease.

Wanda Percent: Vogue...

Vogue Sharp: Poof! You're cured! Glad I could help.

[Response: You don't have that power.]

Vogue Sharp: And since when are you the king of carrot powers, ah?

Wanda Percent: Vogue, stop it.

Vogue Sharp: You told me you could help me out today. I've got to have this taken care of by the end of the week, or that's it. What do you want me to do, eh?

Wanda Percent: Well... Hey, <player character>... Is there any chance you can go down to the hospital and talk to Mercury for me? I'd really appreciate it, if you wouldn't mind.

Vogue Sharp: Yeah, there you go, then. Just run and talk to Mercury. You can be back in two minutes if there's any chance at all the situation demands immediate attention. She'll be apples.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: No, but you should actually get checked.]

Wanda Percent: I mean, I will, but... would you mind checking with Mercury at the hospital for me? Just to see if it's anything urgent. Normally, I wouldn't ask, but it's right down the road, and I am a bit tied up at the moment. Thanks for understanding, I mean.

<end dialogue, next step available>

{reminder script}

Wanda Percent: Mercury should be at the hospital just down the road. Let me know what she says. If it's urgent, I'll go right away, but otherwise, I've got a lot to take care of.

Step 5 : Mercury

Mercury: "How can I help you? Or, um, well, if you're trying to go inside, I mean, you um... w-well, my shift is over, but somepony should be in there."

[Response: I need your expertise.]

Mercury: I'll... do what I can.

[Response: Wanda needs to get herself tested for lymphatic fillyriasis.]

Mercury: Oh. O-okay. Well, that's t-t-treatable, but... it normally takes about two weeks to st-start showing any symptoms, so if she wanted to wait until I got back tomorrow, I mean, um, I could probably take care of it myself. If that's okay, I mean... I always test myself whenever I get a mosquito bite, so, um, I do it a lot. And since we're friends and all...

[Response: That sounds good. Thanks, Mercury.]

Mercury: Oh, um, no problem.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: What can you tell me about... the lycanthropic philharmonic?]

Mercury: Lycan...thropic? Oh! You don't mean lymphatic fillyriasis, do you?

[Response: ...yes.]

Mercury: Oh. O-okay. Well, that's t-t-treatable, but... it normally takes about two weeks to st-start showing any symptoms, so if she wanted to wait until I got back tomorrow, I mean, um, I could probably take care of it myself. If that's okay, I mean... I always test myself whenever I get a mosquito bite, so, um, I do it a lot. And since we're friends and all...

[Response: That sounds good. Thanks, Mercury.]

Mercury: Oh, um, no problem.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Actually, it's not for me. It's for Wanda.]

Mercury: Oh, well, t-that's fine too. Um. She can come in tomorrow if she wants to, I mean.

[Response: Thanks, Mercury.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: ...no.]

Mercury: Oh. Um. I'm sorry. I, uh, don't really know anything about m-music. You should probably ask someone else.

[Response: Actually, it was that thing you said. Sorry.]

Mercury: Oh. O-okay. Well, that's t-t-treatable, but... it normally takes about two weeks to st-start showing any symptoms, so if she wanted to wait until I got back tomorrow, I mean, um, I could probably take care of it myself. If that's okay, I mean... I always test myself whenever I get a mosquito bite, so, um, I do it a lot. And since we're friends and all...

[Response: That sounds good. Thanks, Mercury.]

Mercury: Oh, um, no problem.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Actually, it's not for me. It's for Wanda.]

Mercury: Oh, well, t-that's fine too. Um. She can come in tomorrow if she wants to, I mean.

[Response: Thanks, Mercury.]

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: They're the single greatest werewolf-based group of entertainers on the planet!]

Mercury: I'm s-sorry! I don't know! I, uh... *sniff* I can t-t-t-try to find out, if you really n-need me to.

[Response: I'm just kidding. Wanda needs to get herself tested for lymphatic fillyriasis right away.]

Mercury: Oh. O-okay. Well, that's t-t-treatable, but... it normally takes about two weeks to st-start showing any symptoms, so if she wanted to wait until I got back tomorrow, I mean, um, I could probably take care of it myself. If that's okay, I mean... I always test myself whenever I get a mosquito bite, so, um, I do it a lot. And since we're friends and all...

[Response: That sounds good. Thanks, Mercury.]

Mercury: Oh, um, no problem.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: How are you?]

Mercury: Oh, I'm just f-fine. How are you?

[Response: I'm just fine. But Wanda needs to get herself tested for lymphatic fillyriasis.]

Mercury: Oh. O-okay. Well, that's t-t-treatable, but... it normally takes about two weeks to st-start showing any symptoms, so if she wanted to wait until I got back tomorrow, I mean, um, I could probably take care of it myself. If that's okay, I mean... I always test myself whenever I get a mosquito bite, so, um, I do it a lot. And since we're friends and all...

[Response: That sounds good. Thanks, Mercury.]

Mercury: Oh, um, no problem.

<end dialogue, next step available>

[Response: Pretty terrible, actually. I was hoping you could help.]

<same as [Response: I need your expertise.]>

Step 6 : Wanda Percent

Vogue Sharp: Only her hairdresser knows for sure!

Wanda Percent: Oh, tell me you didn't!

Vogue Sharp: No, I promise. That's exactly what happened!

Wanda Percent: Oh, Vogue, you cad! If it were anyone else, I'd call you a liar. Oh, <player character>! You're back. What did you find out?

[Response: She said you could go in tomorrow morning if you're available.]

Wanda Percent: Oh, perfect. Thanks for the help. I'll be sure to talk to her first thing tomorrow. We've got a lot of work to do here in the meantime.

Vogue Sharp: Yes, we were just getting back to that, actually. Thank you for passing that along.

<end dialogue, next step available>

Step 7 : Astral Charm

Astral Charm: So I trust everything is in order now?

[Response: It sure is. So, what are you going to give me?]

Astral Charm: Give you? All you did was pass a few messages along. That's hardly worthy of compensation. Stop by when I'm in my lab sometime, and you can see what it means to actually work. I might even let you help out a little, if you're lucky.

<end dialogue>

[Response: Yep! Happy to help.]

<same as below [Response: Yes, ma'am.]>

[Response: Yes, ma'am.]

Astral Charm: Hmph. Thank you. I might have something a bit more involved in the future. I trust you'll be available if and when that opportunity arises.

<end dialogue>

[Response: No.]

Astral Charm: Oh? Well, what's the problem?

[Response: I still have so many questions.]

Astral Charm: Do what I did. Go into science.

[Response: But I! ... okay.]

<end dialogue>

[Response: Nevermind.]

[Response: I love you!]

[Response: Will you teach me how to swim?]

Astral Charm: Leave me alone.

<end dialogue>